My head is all over the place today- so I’ve kept busy – swimming ,tidying up the garden ( and Sainsburies – twice , forgot half the stuff the first time ), sorting Grandma’s stuff – that’s when the day went tits up. On Thursday , Jacob and I started the big sort out of all The G’s stuff , as in the next 2 weeks she will be moving. Well today, after going to St Thomas’s Church to see 5 of Rosie’s beautiful paintings in their open exhibition, then saying farewell to Jacob as he shot off to ‘Glastembury’ party in York. The theme is The Mad Hatter , and Jacob’s remodelled one of his ‘human’ sculptures ,and so it sits on his shoulders ! The host of the party is Susie’s sister ,Emily , hence the pun title of the bash it all sounds fab. Well I came back from dropping him and ‘his friend’ off at Brentford ( I LOATHE goodbyes- can’t cope with them very easily ) and started going through Grandma’s papers . I came across the photos I took the last time I took her to Copenhagen in 2006. Amongst them were some photos of Rosie and Florence ,standing on the breakfast room table and laughing- they looked so happy , it took my breath away ,and I had to shove all Grandma’s stuff back in the bag. Why , why , why , why ,why ?
Now it’s the World Cup . Everytime I hear those 2 words I think of this time 4 years ago when Rosie, Laura ,Izzy P. and Danielle were in Italy ..They were there for the night of The Final , Italy won. Rosie said it was amazing – one big street party- she loved that holiday . I have the diary the 4 of them kept , it is so funny ( and rude – not for your delicate ears ). I read it a lot last Jan – Feb , but now I can’t bear to open it.
I was reading what Joely Richardson wrote after her sister ,Natasha , died.
”I felt my DNA had split. I felt as if someone had put a bomb inside me and exploded it.This idea that grief is gentle…it’s not like that it’s really violent.It’s this brutal, aggressive,terrifying emotion. You’re lucky if you can walk through it”.
Sadly , she’s pretty dam right.