About half an hour ago there was a knock on the door – it was Postie .

He handed me the parcel and asked me to sign in the magnetic box with the magnetic pen . But I couldn’t – my eyes were full of tears , i couldn’t see properly, I couldn’t speak and my nose was about to drip . I gesticulated for him to wait while I retrieved my linen hanky ( for those of you who know me , I always carry a hanky because I do cry a lot and I never know when it is going to happen ) and then I scribbled RJ somethingorother.

Why the tears ? It’s a Saturday – the joy of the weekend .We’d had some special friends round to supper last night .We are going to new, never been to their house before , friends , for supper tonight .We await a Thai teacher tomorrow ( not a teacher whose going to teach us Thai ,but a teacher whose bringing his Thai students to London – all bar one , who was meant to be staying with us , but was refused a visa ) , we have nice things planned , it is raining -which means my goldfish is happy.

It’s because I dug deep and stole myself to watch BBC’s ”George Shelley : Learning to Grieve”

In May 2017, George ‘s 21 year old sister ,Harriet died in a sudden accident. He has spent the last 12 months trying to cope with her loss and has struggled to talk about it. He has suffered with depression and anxiety and in a bid to help himself cope better, and to understand the impact grief has had on his life and mental health, he made this documentary.

Lots of things hit home , too close at times – being strong / grieving for the future / life being flipped upside down /the impact of the person’s handwriting/ the what ifs? /why ? / thoughts sending the mind into overdrive ….I could write so much , but you’ve heard it before so i’ll just give you george’s best analogy of

”grief is that it is like glitter………..

no matter how much you try and tidy it up , you’re never going to get rid of it all and you’re ALWAYS going to find bits of it somewhere .”

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