I’ve thought long and hard about writing about this, especially with Grandma being so frail ( at the moment )- but here I go….
A couple of weeks ago I read an article in The Times entitled ‘Regrets ? I have a few’. It was about a book by a French psychologist ,Marie de Hennezel, titled ‘Seize the Day’ and the bones of it are that it is human nature to shut death out ,but in our final days we often express great truths . So as a psychologist she encourages us to become aware of this and how to start living better lives. Sounds cheesy ? To me the article wasn’t and it sort of made good sense . I also have to say this is nothing to do with Rosie’s death .I have absolutely NO regrets about how she lived. She was happy ,fulfilled,kind,caring ,funny,slapdash had wonderful relationships, with her family ,especially her brother and sister , had the most gorgeous kind ,funny ,generous,caring set of friends, had achieved everything she had set out to do and of course,never knew she was going to die . This article is really written for older people and I am just condensing it to a few sentences.
These are the top 5 regrets of the dying .( in brackets it’s what Marie write )
1.I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me ( When people realise their life is nearly over and look back clearly on it,it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it )
2.wish I hadn’t worked so hard .( This came from every male patient that I nursed.They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship).
3.I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings .( Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.They settle for a mediocre existence .Speaking honestly raises a relationship to a healthier level, or releases you from it. )
4.I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends ( it is common for anyone with a busy life to let friendships slip.But when you are faced with your approaching death,the physical details of life fall away.It all comes down to love and relationships in the end .)
5.I wish I’d let myself be happier ( This is a surprisingly common one.many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice.They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits.The so called comfort of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives.Fear of change had them pretending to others ,and to themselves, that they were content when ,deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have stillness in their life again ).