In the paper yesterday ,mark one : ’15 ways to support someone who is grieving ‘
I won’t go on , you’ve heard it all before ,but I would like to flag up number 10 , cos I liked it
10. Don’t be afraid to make the bereaved person laugh. Tell them about your day or “silly things” (once you’ve checked in on them) – the minutiae of other people’s lives can be really comforting and momentarily distracting.
In the paper at the weekend , mark two : ‘Life after loss .Facebook’s Sheryl Sandberg talks to Decca Aitkenhead .’
Both belong to a club no-one ever wants to join ( this phrase is a bit cliched now – it is used for illnesses, deaths , falling down a ravine and losing a body part etc ) , both went on holiday with their husband and came back with him in a coffin .Their grief is different to my grief , but in someways it is similar . It was sudden , wrong and shocking . But Sheryl’s sentence that resonated with me was ‘ I was not shocked by the anger, not shocked by the sadness .But the self-confidence blow completely surprised me ‘ . I’d never thought about that before , but I think I felt the same . Just walking into a room , let alone something like a party ,would cripple me . I would freeze and try and be anonymous. I didn’t feel safe , just trapped and out of control – what would people say , would they mention Rosie , what if they didn’t – that would make me cross , after all she was all I could think about ? But on a positive note ,that has changed. I feel stronger , more in control, happier ,safer , I feel little stuff doesn’t matter but people matter but community matters , nature matters and I really really do believe in PTS – post -traumatic strength ( she talks of post traumatic growth , which I also believe in ) . I feel I am little stronger , wiser , more selective , and I hope ,above hope , kinder and even a little less crumbly .