I’m still drawn to it – this whole grief thing .
I want to live alongside it ,in it , by it , but in a positive way
That and all that goes with it can eat me up and spit me out , and a lot of my energy goes on not letting it . It’s there for a reason – I love Rosie, want Rosie ,yearn for Rosie .So I never want it to go away .
I do a lot of digging deep and grounding myself and I am blessed with a good life, in an amazing country which allows us freedom and choice …yet grief is ever present in my heart and in my soul , BUT don’t get me wrong , I am happy . Yet however much i try I am drawn to other people’s grief – I really really feel for them .It is not a competition , it is about empathy ,love and hope.
After the atrocities at London Bridge last week , i wanted to copy you into the piece that Brendan Cox had written , but I just couldn’t bring myself to .Today I feel stronger , so here we go …..
‘The attack at London Bridge will not succeed in dividing our communities — but it will cause immense pain that will last for many years and never fully recede for those involved.
Thousands of people will have been traumatised by the events of Saturday night. Those memories will take a long time to fade. But for the families, friends and loved ones of those killed or injured the healing process will take much longer. In some cases their lives will never get back to normal.
After my wife Jo was killed in a terrorist attack last year, the shock was immediate and overwhelming. Friends and family felt powerless to help, but it was their help that got me through it. If you know people involved, here are my suggestions for how you can help:
Tell them you are there for them — but don’t expect a response, they will be deluged. Don’t call in the first 48 hours unless you are close — text or email is better. They will need to call people and don’t want their phones engaged. If you are close, or worry that they don’t have many close friends or family, then please do call them.
Help in practical ways — offer to take their kids out to the park, walk the dog, take food around, mow the lawn. It’s much better to do specific things than a generic “I’ll do anything you want”. They won’t have time to think about what they need or to ask you to do things. The longer you can keep these things going, the better. These random acts of kindness speak volumes.
Hold them. Sometimes there’s nothing you can say. When the tears flow and their body shakes with grief, sometimes the best response is to show that you are there for them.
Make sure they have access to experts: there are lots of organisations out there that provide expert advice and support that continues long after the immediate shock.
Be there for the long term. Their lives will never be the same again but the kindness of family members, friends, neighbours and even strangers is more important than you can know.”