Oh my God, what a day. Lorna deserves a medal for sticking by me. It was the day of Grandmama’s eye ( lets admit her to a ward as we don’t have a standing hoist in theatre and no nurse , porter or any member of staff in the entire Mayday hospital will help you lift her onto the highish chair to do the proceedure ) surgery. The only person on my side about this was the admissions officer , who agreed with me ,it was a total waste of a bed. So….Carry on Nurses, Rachel and Lorna did all the lifting , toileting , manouvering etc ( Just for Joan – NOT all the other patients ). As we were waiting in our squished day surgery cubicle, we were doing our usual , chatting , guessing what everyone else is in for , talking about how hungry we were etc..when the nurse came over and sent the 3 of us to ‘the naughty room’ ( a small private room at the end of the ward ) , and shut the door . Obviously we were pissing everyone off we our general merriment and frivolity. But , the good news was , we got to crack open the picnic !
All was going swimmingly, We escorted Ma to theatre and as she didnt want me to leave her side , I was gowned and hatted up and asked to sit next to her in theatre , holding her hand while Anthony, her sweet surgeon ,removed the cataract while listening to his native Maltese folk music. Unfortunately, in the medical terminology of Anthony ”its a rock , not a cataract” meant the op went on..and on..and on…. I got hotter and hotter and then my grief and sadness completely engulfed me and I uttered the words that every surgeon wants to hear ”I think I’m going to faint ”. The staff were wonderful , Graham, the theatre technicion and Miss Richardson , the consultant took me out , gave me a cup water ( i think they would have preffered the bucket over the head technique ) and I poured out all my thoughts and love for Rosie. We were all in tears. Meanwhile , the staff in theatre were brill, didn’t tell Ma what had happened to me and a male nurse slipped his hand into Ma’s. When she came out the first words Ma said were ”where did you go , i know it wasn’t you holding my hand , it was a man with a ring on and i know you never wear rings . You didn’t faint did you ? ” So please mums the word .
Appendix 1: I have only fainted once in my lif in April 1975 , when I stood on the terraces at aBristol City v Fulham football match. Yhe sun was beating down on me and i was wearing a black polo neck and black jeans- i was carted off to St Johns Ambulance station
Appendix 2: My mobile phone is still out of action , so please email or write on my bloggy thing – ta.