It is over 7 years since Rosie died , lots has changed and lots has remained the same .
I started to write
about what had changed…values,needs, friends,safety,questions,guilt
,pain, silence,creativity ,loneliness, etc etc..but it was all too deep
and too much for my brain and typing skills to cope with .
But one thing I that hasn’t changed is that I am drawn to the writings of people’s experiences of grief due to the death of a loved young person
week I read in 2 different newspapers ,the words of Decca Aitkenhead,
whose partner, Tony, drowned during a family holiday in Jamaica.
her words are my feelings.
death defies the laws of physics; the human mind cannot reconcile the
velocity of the first word with the enormousness of the second.It is
always used to baffle me .Why did people think someone else’s death was
their fault ; that only if they had acted differently they could have
prevented it ? The illogic seemed so self-evident and the implicit
self-importance rather alienating .
I knew I was becoming
increasingly irrational but could not control the rampaging narrative of
guilt- until one brother took my hand and said ,slowly, gently, as if
addressing a small child; ”Dec, there was nothing you or anyone else
could have dine to save Tony’s life” And suddenly I saw it was true.But
instead of relief ,what I felt was despair.’