made LOADs of phone calls today

I’m worried that I’m beginning to sound like I’m obsessed with death , but the truth is ,it’s the opposite – I’m obsessed with life ,and making sure it is good .For me that means doing good things with good people and protecting my family , my friends and myself . But of course ,when the inevitable or bad or sad stuff happens ,it now hits so much dam harder and it is so hard to bounce back .

Just after Grandma died at 2am ,I pottered .I made coffee, I held her shoulder ( she had liked that when her breathing shallowed, it reassured her – I think ), I ate biscuits ,I wrote lists , I tidied and watered her plants,I talked to her ,I made more coffee, I listened to Aled at 6am and then I opened my mail I had brought in from home .One envelope contained ‘Compassion’ ,the quarterly journal of The Compassionate Friends , and in that was a sort of card that you can give people who don’t know what to say /do when you suffer the worst loss, the death of a child. To me it makes a lot of sense .I’ll type it out and then I promise I’ll shut up for a bit and talk about something more interesting like ‘How good is ‘Prisoners Wives’ – anyone watching it ? /Should I see ‘the Woman in Black’ ? etc etc )…

For the last time I go ….The card was titled ‘Ten ways you can help a bereaved person’ 1.say “I’m here for you” and be there you care 3. offer practical support 4. don’t take anger personally patient-allow silences 6 .listen and accept strong emotions 7. don’t say you know or understand unless you really do. 8. avoid platitudes-time’s a great healer etc. 9. allow them to speak of their loved one and speak their name 10. take care of yourself-know your limits

11. stick with them , don’t run away and say “I make it worse’ 12. watch ‘Coach trip’ and discuss at regular intervals

I made the last 2 up

2 Replies to “made LOADs of phone calls today”

  1. Rachel, my sweets .Keep writing anything you want on your blog .It is brilliant and often makes me re-think my thinking. I’m sick of twitface and linkedin and people showing off and having loads of friends and always partying ( I obviously have none and never get invited to them ) .But sadly I have never watched Coach Trip , although I do tape Countdown and listen to The Archers

  2. This is extremely useful for a gp like me to read!! So hard to watch people in so much pain……… And to know how to help x

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