Monday -part 3

Last week I had an email from charity called ‘Grief Encounter’ .I hadn’t heard from them since Florence and I attended a disastrous group counselling session back in 2009. Anyway they were flagging up Friday nights documentary ‘Soham: A Parents’ tale ‘. So last night ,when everyone was tucked up ,I watched it .The film was an interview with Holly Well’s parents who discuss the barely imaginable task of coming to terms with such a loss, and in such terrible circumstances. They were wonderful.They were sad and heartbroken of course , but positive and striving to be happy .I have nothing but admiration for them and their son. Seeing people like them is good for me .Their daughter died 10 years ago ,Rosie ,only 3 years and 7 months ago- I sometimes feel I am still in shock .I think differently ,I feel great sadness constantly , But I am convinced ‘Stuff’ doesn’t matter- people matter ,life matters ,being safe, happy and helping others matters . At times I feel very lonely ,very guilty ,very excluded, very weary ,but I still see my Psychotherapist, and with her help,try and self- monitor my brain, my gash and my pain .And as they keep saying in The Olympics , you’ve got to dig-deep .