If you have The Ealing Gazette , you can read Paul Clabburn’s article about the piece he has written in a new book released by Cardiac Risk in The Young (CRY) , about his grief and feelings after the sudden death of his 14 year old son,Tom, who was just 14 . I have mentioned Tom before as he was at the same school that Rosie did her A’levels and he died just a year before Rosie . Forgive me for repeating myself , but when other bereaved parents articulate their feelings ,it makes me feel ‘more normal’ , less isolated and not just like a sad wingey old ratbag who writes drivel on a blog .
He writes ‘It is impossible to comes with the death of a child, especially if it is sudden, and the associated feelings of guilt, bewilderment and overwhelming loss. Life carries on with a Tom-shaped hole in it’s fabric. Sometimes it rips further, sometimes it is less frayed, but it’s always there. It’s there in a way I accept, yet occasionally resent.” He goes on to write ” If Tom died when an imaginary clock struck midnight, it’s still only a couple of minutes past to me.For our friends of course,it’s five years on .That can’t be helped, that’s reality.”
That is just a snapshot of what he wrote, but to me it all rings so true .He also mentions how fantastically supportive some of his son and daughters’ friends have been – better than some adults.
But at the moment things in Dwyer Towers are OK .Jacob and Florence are home .We have a new barbecue .Yesterday I discovered the beauty that is Cambridge Botanic Gardens – knocked spots off the Oxford one . We’ve eaten with friends three times this week and I’ve had my first cuppa in the garden every morning .In the sake of sounding cheesy , I do count my blessings .