A new book by fathers

If you have The Ealing Gazette , you can read Paul Clabburn’s article about the piece he has written in a new book released by Cardiac Risk in The Young (CRY) , about his grief and feelings after the sudden death of his 14 year old son,Tom, who was just 14 . I have mentioned Tom before as he was at the same school that Rosie did her A’levels and he died just a year before Rosie . Forgive me for repeating myself , but when other bereaved parents articulate their feelings ,it makes me feel ‘more normal’ , less isolated and not just like a sad wingey old ratbag who writes drivel on a blog .

He writes ‘It is impossible to comes with the death of a child, especially if it is sudden, and the associated feelings of guilt, bewilderment and overwhelming loss. Life carries on with a Tom-shaped hole in it’s fabric. Sometimes it rips further, sometimes it is less frayed, but it’s always there. It’s there in a way I accept, yet occasionally resent.” He goes on to write ” If Tom died when an imaginary clock struck midnight, it’s still only a couple of minutes past to me.For our friends of course,it’s five years on .That can’t be helped, that’s reality.”

That is just a snapshot of what he wrote, but to me it all rings so true .He also mentions how fantastically supportive some of his son and daughters’ friends have been – better than some adults.

But at the moment things in Dwyer Towers are OK .Jacob and Florence are home .We have a new barbecue .Yesterday I discovered the beauty that is Cambridge Botanic Gardens – knocked spots off the Oxford one . We’ve eaten with friends three times this week and I’ve had my first cuppa in the garden every morning .In the sake of sounding cheesy , I do count my blessings .

2 Replies to “A new book by fathers”

  1. Rachel don’t beat yourself up for what you write .It is good for us to be grounded and helps us to understand andas a result , learn and support .The bit Paul wrote about ‘Time’ ,I would have never considered before . When do you go away ?

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