I know quotes can be a bit crass , also a bit of a cop out – saves me articulating stuff .But some people just say what I think /feel /want to say .
Our copy of Child Bereavement UK”s 2017 has sat in our sitting room for about 2 months – I just couldn’t bring myself to read it .This morning I did , alone ,in my kitchen .The house was quiet .John had gone to work , the four German students to college and I had the place to myself . I had peace and enough strength to open it , and then read it -cover to cover .Every families’ experience of death made me cry , and you know what I think about crying – it is good ,it releases something , it doesn’t show you are softer or more caring than the next person .You just do it because you can .I know some people who are so traumatised, they just can’t cry .Now that is really tough.
Page 1 and Jason Watkins is staring out at me and his words are shouting out at me
” It’s their physical absence that is so painful. You can still feel their hand in yours, then it’s not there .It’s gone.It’s absolutely true that your heart breaks; you feel your heart breaking”
Sometimes other people just put things into words in a way we couldn’t have done. Anne Marie Duff talked on desert island discs the other week about losing her friend Alison. She talked about the quiet grief that she always carries with her now, and that really resonated with me. xx
Yes ‘ quiet grief ‘ , it’s always there , and yet you never know when it is going to pop up and slap you in the face .
I’m so bloody stupid – I thought I could never feel as wretched as I did as when Jane died , but I have and I do .