Blogs are odd .Even the name is odd- blog- where did that come from ? Are they about ….vanity ,showing-off, common interest , non-common interest , a record, a diary , a self-indulgence or what ? Sometimes I go to type and it flows , sometimes I click on her website ,see Rosie’s photos and I freeze , I’m too sad , I want her too much , so I cry , walk away , get busy ,do stuff .
Today ,the photo of her and Holly jumped out at me .Their raw happiness .I want her bad .So it’s going to be bitty .My brain is bitty ,it’s jumping ,avoiding ,pounding -sad .
We’ve been busy -lovely busy .Friday ,a river walk ,friends for supper. Saturday , a train ride to beautiful Bruton in Somerset ,lunch in an old chapel, a walk along the River Brue and a climb up to a sixteenth century dovecot. Today , watching friends run in The Ealing Half Marathon , and then this evening a Scandinavian supper – the guests ,not the food .
But the constant , the stable ,my reason for living will always be my love for Jacob,Florence and John. they might not realise it , but they keep me sane .
I cannot imagine the pain. I think this must be the worst pain anyone can suffer.